Term:
Feminine Emotions and How They Change.
Explanation:
A women's emotions are expressed in direct relation to how they "feel" in that moment. With regard to emotions, we must remember that they are expressed in the PRESENT MOMENT and with this in mind they can and will shift moment to moment.
This is why you can have a conversation about something in one moment and be met with enthusiasm and excitement and then in the next be presented with the exact opposite.
The feminine energy (yin):
· Nurturing.
· Spontaneous.
· Compassionate.
· Understanding.
· Empathetic.
· Feeling as Being.
· Creativity.
· Nesting Instinct.
· Connected to Nature.
· Dancing/Playing.
· Intuitive.
It seeks safety and security to be able to experience all of the above without judgement or danger.
It yearns to be led to where it wants to go but will never outright say where that is for they know that if they state it outright, many men will attempt to "become" that which they are seeking in order to get something in return.
It places CONNECTION above completion. It can experience an argument or a challenge as an opportunity to deepen the relationship with very little importance placed upon completing the task or resolving that which is at the core of it.
They are not flippant but focused on being together and enjoying the energy that comes from being part of a team tackling the same challenge.
It has the incredible knack of recognizing intuitively when we are not being CONGRUENT with our actions and words and then addressing these inconsistencies with challenges to confirm what she feels inside.
It wants to be led and not have to worry about making decisions all the time. She seeks out a masculine that is heading to where she wants to go, so that she can relax and enjoy the ride without any concern for the details on how it will be nor how to get there.
Real-World Example #1:
You are in the car traveling to the airport with your wife on the way to collect a long time girlfriend of hers. Her friend has been away for some time traveling around the world and she is in high spirits when you set off.
En-route she is speaking about how long it has been since she has seen her friend, giddy with excitement and laughing about the things that they used to do when they were younger.
Then there are roadworks on the highway and a number of detours are in place to divert traffic. You are driving and interrupt her to ask which option you should take.
Without missing a beat she says: "I don't mind" and continues talking.
You don't want to be late to pick up her friend and try to decide which way to go. Your attention is no longer on her but on making a choice.
You ask again, but this time you add some facts about which way you think would be better given the traffic etc.
In a more frustrated tone, she responds: "Just pick one!" She shuffles in her seat and tries to get back to the "feeling" of excitement she was in a moment ago.
Now YOU are getting frustrated. Here you are doing her a favor and driving out to the airport to collect HER friend and she is getting snarky with you. You feel your agitation rise but you can't seem to do the distance vs time calculations in your head quick enough to be able to decide which route to take.
You bark, "WHICH WAY DO YOU WANT ME TO GO??"
BOOM. She loses it and starts to yell at you about how you always manage to get lost and how she can't rely on you to do anything for yourself.
You decide that the best course of action is to point out the obvious and remind her that you are doing her a favor by going to collect her friend with her. You tell her you won't be spoken to like that and now you are both very pissed off at each other.
What she actually wanted from you:
In this situation it is easy to assume (as a masculine man) that the core issues are:
There is a problem - Journey to destination.
There are variables - Which route to take.
There is a solution - The shortest and most efficient route.
Your field of awareness narrows down to the problems that you identify as being at the root. Everything else slips into your periphery, including your wife and what she is experiencing.
Your wife on the other hand was in a great mood, riding the waves of excitement about seeing her friend after such a long time and SHARING that with someone that she loves, you.
In a split second her mood shifted from positive to negative and that happened as a result of her not being free to enjoy and share with you her happiness. How she gets to the airport is of little consequence. Connecting to you and being able to enjoy her moment of excitement was the core of her emotional state and your indecision proved to be an impediment to the moment that she was enjoying. She was denied free expression of how she felt in the moment thus killing the mood for her.
What you could do in response:
Make a decision!
Choose the route you think is best and just do it. Sort out the problem without burdening her with the details. The core of this situation is NOT how to get to the airport but going to the airport so she can see her friend again.
Let her enjoy herself by taking ownership of the boring details and take action. Be decisive and if it turns out to be the longer way then simply treat it as an opportunity for her to continue being excited and keep sharing that experience with her.
IF she gets pissed because you chose the "wrong" way, who cares! That only proves how excited she is about seeing her friend. Enjoy her and everything that comes with her.
Don't take it personally. If she says something scathing with regard to your choice, then joke that you could always try and drive in reverse and see what happens.
She isn't upset with you for taking longer, she may be upset that she has to wait longer to see her friend or that you will be late to collect them but she could also be upset that this little road trip that you guys are taking is being marred by pesky details that needn't effect the fun she could be having.
Real-World Example #2:
You have exciting news to share upon returning from work. You've been offered the position that you have been trying to get for some time. You feel immense pride in your accomplishment and cannot wait to share it with your wife.
You rush home and open the door and announce that you have news.
Your wife looks up and says: "The stove won't turn on so I haven't been able to cook all day".
You pause for a moment and assume that perhaps in this instance her psychic abilities are slightly off. You try to tell her again about your news.
Once again, she mentions the stove. She could not care-less about your news.
Now you have two options.
1. Take on her mood and feed into the energy that she is caught up in. Assume the stove not working is somehow YOUR fault and accept her judgement of you for not maintaining your household.
OR.
2. Continue to be excited by your news because you ARE excited.
What you could do in response:
Remove the issue and provide space for her to release the pressure that it has brought up inside her.
Say: "Well that's great timing cause tonight we don't need it! I just got a promotion so you take some time to have a bath, get dressed up and I'll make a reservation at _____ in 2 hours. While you're bathing, I'll find a repair guy to take a look at the stupid cook-top. On the way to the restaurant you can tell me about your day and over dinner I'll tell you about the other perks my new role comes with!"
She responds with an emphatic "Oh my god YES, a bath would be lovely. Thank you!"
Now you have relieved some of her stress and she can process whatever else is bothering her.
The best way to help someone out of a hole is to extend your hand to them. It is NOT to get in the hole with them!
You have no idea what sort of day she has had or what is going on with her. All you do know is that you are excited and proud. So enjoy it!
No need to rub her face in your happiness but there is also no need to lower your mood to meet hers. You can be happy even if your wife isn't.
Often a HIGH mood energy can be infectious and contagious. You know the people that always seem to be in a good mood and you can't help but get caught up in that energy.
BE the source of that energy and not someone that allows others to determine if they are happy or not.
Does this mean she will agree?
NO.
She may not be in the mood and the thought of getting dressed up and making effort may not sound very appealing on this particular day.
Again, this has ZERO to do with you and you needn't allow yourself to lower your vibes just to meet hers.
If she is insistent on not going out and staying in her mood then meet your responsibilities (organize dinner, make arrangements) and allow her control over her own agency.
Ask what she needs and do what you can to facilitate it. But DON'T let yourself slip into HER mood.
If all else fails and she refuses to budge from her own state of being then leave her be and do something that YOU want to do.
No need to be rude or disrespectful to her but there is also no need to play into any mood games either.
Summary:
When we don’t take on a woman’s emotions, we are not beholden to them. They don’t affect us and we can simply observe them and wonder at how complex and ever changing they are!
Through the lens of CURIOSITY, they are beautiful. When seen as judgement of ourselves they can hurt like a bitch.
It is easy to assume that women have an easy time with their emotions given how well versed they are at expressing them but considering how volatile and all consuming they can be, take a moment to imagine what it would be like if someone jumped in and tried to fix it, change something or piled on their own shit as well.
In defense:
Are you triggered yet?
Looking for reasons to justify why SHE should change to make your life easier?
Thinking that the relationship would be better if she was more like you?
GOOD! This is a sure sign that you are looking OUTSIDE of yourself for comfort and ease. Years ago I would have said: “Why can’t she just be more organized, logical and consistent”. Then I would force her into circumstances where she had to be that way while being confused when I heard:
“I don’t feel like a woman around you”.
OR
“You don’t love me or accept me”.
With me not being in my masculine, she was forced to do it. There was no room left for her to express her feminine.
There is no way to work on or create the polarization between the energies.
It can only ever be achieved as a by-product of you maintaining YOUR masculine frame and doing what you do naturally, BEING MASCULINE while letting her do what she does best, BEING FEMININE.
To book a session that could make ALL the difference between maintaining YOUR frame or being influenced by hers!
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